I recall feeling extremely different before the crux of my psychotic breaks.
I was a handsome young man, in school, on a mission.
I was working my way through university, and self-medicating (with alcohol) two to three times a week… wasn’t everyone?
Well, maybe not the self-medicating part. No.
But, life felt good to me! I was having fun and being ambitious.
That’s what I did. I had fun and was ambitious. Moreso back then than today. But, it’s all in there somewhere.
Life just flowed back then, and it felt better than what it feels like today, being medicated and full-blown ill.
To me, I’ve entered a trade-off agreement with life.
At the cost of everything I had and was before.
You know, I sometimes think.
While I didn’t forge many relationships in college, if some of the people who I casually knew were to pop into my life again, what would that be like?
It would be awkward. And, I sometimes have bad dreams about how awkward it would be.