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I Have Schizoaffective Disorder… So, What Is That Experience Like?

I did a guest post for Mental health 360° today, of which I am proud. It was great fun, and it was a joy working with Caz!

Here is the guest post in its entirety:

https://mentalhealthfromtheotherside.com/2020/04/17/living-with-schizoaffective-disorder/

Caz has a lot to say about mental health herself, as a Mental Health Nurse, with designations in Mental Health First Aid and Mental Health Armed Forces Instruction, among others!

Again, it was great working with Caz.

Check out her site at:

https://mentalhealthfromtheotherside.com/

Below is an abbreviated version of the post I did.

Thank you!


For me, my thoughts are oftentimes quite muddled.

I have confusion much of the time, and when I am clear on my thinking, that is a bonus—something worthy of celebrating!

Usually though, my days are spent listening to music, blogging, being on social media (for my blog), and writing.

I try to stay off of places like Facebook, because I just end up getting upset with others. And, I don’t want to put myself (and everyone else) through that!

I also have to stay away from politics as much as possible too, as nearly all types of politics are triggering.

So, again, I listen to music, blog, spend time on social media for my blog, and write.

And, that’s my typical day!

But, what do I think about? What are my thoughts like?

Pinning my thoughts down isn’t always easy.

Much of the time, I have skewed and warped views or “delusions,” about anything and everything.

“Hallucinations” are also prevalent—where I hear voices—that typically say or yell disparaging things.

I will even have full-blown conversations (a lot of times without my even realizing I am doing so), that focus on things that are largely invasive, and that have a negative undertone to them.

Like, I think a lot about how (I believe) my blog is garnering a lot of negative attention from important people (i.e. the government or people connected to the government), who may somehow use the things I write about, against me.

And, I am in competition with these conversations, in order to have a healthy stream of thoughts (which I don’t 100% of the time get to experience).

I do get lost or stuck a lot with my way of thinking, and as I’ve said, I basically am tasked with interrupting those invasive conversations, as they are unhealthy and unkind.

I deal with all of this stuff every day, but interestingly enough, I do have some amount of happiness and confidence within myself and with regards to the life I live.

That didn’t happen overnight either. In fact, it took all of 20 years to figure out that I can also feel good, while in the midst of psychosis.

What the turning point for me was, was figuring myself out and what I believe, and then slowly introducing the notion of being in an intimate relationship, which I feel that achieving that has been my biggest stabilizing force.

I also feel that relationships (in general) tend to be very elusive to many people living with severe mental illness.

If we could all just begin to look at our mental illnesses as something that we just have, and find ways to challenge ourselves amid them aka try to make our life experiences somehow better, I think that we will win the battle against our diagnoses!

Perhaps that is wishful thinking for a lot of us, and maybe it is, but I always believe in doing something, that places me in an upward and onward direction!

And, yes, it is quite tough!

But, I have noticed that specific improvements do occur, when I am overtly challenging myself and my current levels of insight.

So, how do you feel when you are challenging your mental health experience? Especially as it pertains to wrestling control of your symptoms?

8 thoughts on “I Have Schizoaffective Disorder… So, What Is That Experience Like? Leave a comment

  1. Thank you so much for your raw, honest and open guest post on my blog Mio. Hoping to raise awareness of some of the more severe and enduring mental illness diagnoses and stamp out the stigma and discrimination attached.
    It was a delight working with you.

    Caz x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I applaud you for sharing your story, for being open and honest. It’s not always easy. Sometimes sharing does feel scary but it’s important. You might be providing someone who can’t tell their story (yet) a chance to share, relate, and feel not so alone. I know I picked up a book about coping with anxiety recently (a graphic arts type book) and it made me want to give it to people I care about, people who are close to me and say hey, some of this is me. This is coming from a person who expresses their self almost too much. 😉 I felt like, see it’s not just me. And that’s another important thing that sharing does, it helps people get outside themselves. Maybe we hold certain biases about the people we know. Maybe your sibling or parent was just “overly dramatic” to you and they annoy you but reading a story like theirs by someone else might give you access to a new understanding.

    Good job knowing what your triggers are! That can be huge. Even as we know what triggers us sometimes we still go back, so I’m patting you on the back for staying away more than less. 😉

    I also really want to thank you for your positivity in addition to your realism. I think it’s important, but not easy, to be both. In the face of a life long challenge such as this you are holding up a lantern saying, hey guys, there’s more than darkness here. Let me show you. Well done. Your efforts seem to be paying off in your life and provide an example of bravery for others to follow. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is such a nice comment! Thank you so much! A lot of this stuff has honestly taken, as I’ve written, all of 20 years to figure out. I am still very symptomatic but I have more insight today too. I am hoping indeed that my story helps a family member, friend, or someone themselves dealing with schizophrenia. There is hope, and I’ve tried to lock in on it in my own life. Thanks again!

      Liked by 2 people

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